What is a Sleep Contract?

And how could it help you and your partner get a better night’s sleep?

You may have seen the new craze sweeping TikTok of 20-somethings in relationships drawing up handwritten contracts, safeguarding their needs early on in a relationship, and paving the way for more permanent agreements such as marriage. Well, as Bensons Chief Sleep Officer, I’ve had the idea of adapting this to the thing we all need the most – sleep! So what is a ‘Sleep Contract’ and how could it help you get a better night’s sleep? Read on to learn more.

What actually is a sleep contract?

A sleep contract is basically a formal (although not legal!) agreement that’s adapted for the individual needs of both parties entering into it. The goal of the agreement is to bring harmony to the bedroom, making sure both partners have their sleep needs and preferences met.

Just as you would in any other type of agreement with another person or party, a sleep contract is designed to lay out all of the terms and conditions you and a partner want to adhere and agree to in the bedroom. It can be especially useful if one of you is an early bird and has to agree to getting up without disturbing the other. Or if you sleep warmer than your partner, how about agreeing to the type of duvet you might want to invest in?

Is a sleep contract handy for new parents?

One particular scenario where a sleep contract might come in especially handy is in the situation my partner and I are facing: when you welcome a newborn baby.

It’s no secret that sleep is hugely affected when you welcome a new baby. The hourly wakings to feed and change (and worry!) mean you’re pretty much up most of the day and night caring for your bundle of joy. It’s a beautiful adventure, but it can really take its toll after a few weeks running on empty once the adrenaline wears off. That’s where, if you’re lucky enough to have 2 of you able to support each other with those night wakings, a sleep contract comes in handy.

What to consider when creating a sleep contract

If you’re considering creating a sleep contract for you and your partner, it’s worth thinking about the different wants and needs you both have. Perhaps it’s as simple as using a lamp rather than the ceiling light when you wake for your 5am workout? Or maybe it’s taking it in turns to enjoy the luxury of a lovely lie-in on the weekends while the other gets up with the children? It could even be that one of you needs to be a bit quieter when coming up to bed as the other prefers to turn in earlier.

Whatever it is, your sleep contract needs to be able to solve your sleep issues. Or at least those sleep issues that might not exist if you weren’t sharing a bed.

Before I drew up my contract, I spent time speaking with Bensons for Beds’ resident Sleep Expert, Dr Sophie Bostock. I discussed how my partner, Matt, and I worked “shifts” when our first son was born. We would set a timer and each get a 4-hour stint of “on shift” or sleeping but we ended up both feeling exhausted. Dr Sophie advised this was probably not the best decision, suggesting we focus on days on and off, so at least one of us gets a full night’s sleep, as opposed to both being constantly tired. So, I’m working this advice into a sleep contract this time around!

Agree the terms of your sleep contract

When outlining your sleep contract, both halves of the couple must agree to the terms. And this doesn’t need to end up in a raging row! Instead, you should embrace open communication in which you can both speak freely about your sleep needs, wants and concerns.

A good example to use is taking a couple with younger children who like to be up with the birds. If this is true in your household, why not agree that on a Saturday, one of you gets up with the little ones leaving the other to catch up on sleep. And on Sunday, you swap roles. You each get a lovely lie in and you each get to spend a morning with your children. Win-win.

After my sleep consultation with Dr Sophie Bostock, my partner and I were able to come to  draw up our own sleep contract. And it looks like this:

For the first few weeks, I will be with baby more or less 24/7 as newborns are hungry and I intend to breast-feed. But once we are able to introduce a bottle for night time wakings, our sleep contract can come into play. I will wake up for the night time feeds Thursday-Sunday nights (for example), and Matt (my partner) will handle baby’s night time needs Monday-Wednesday. This means that for those nights that we’re not on newborn duties, we’ll be able to benefit from an unbroken night’s sleep – or that’s the hope.

A sleep contract does not have to be set in stone, it could be as simple as stating you’d both like to agree a relatively equal amount of full nights sleep across the week, give or take and wherever possible.

But making time, even 10 minutes per day, to focus on each others wants and needs is a huge step to ensuring one another feel appreciated still. And that could mean allowing your partner to sleep in or nap for an hour during the day, or even just making them a cup of tea they can enjoy while it’s still hot.

Our top tips for anyone drawing up a sleep contract

Have you decided that a sleep contract is the right thing for you and your partner, or your family? If so, these top tips can help you draw one up that works for everyone’s needs:

1. Set clear, achievable goals

Avoid making a sleep contract overly complicated or unrealistic. Instead, start with small, actionable steps. For those creating a sleep contract for themselves, it could be as simple as “I will go to bed by 10:30 PM on weekdays” or “I’ll stop scrolling through socials at 9:00 PM.” The most important thing here is clarity — make the goals specific and easy to measure.

For kids, you might want to include something like, “Lights out by 8:00 PM, no arguments.” And for yourself? “No more Netflix after midnight.” Remember that keeping it realistic prevents you from setting yourself up for failure.

2. Define the consequences (gently!)

Oh yes, if the terms of a sleep contract are broken, there has to be consequences of course. But while nobody likes to feel like they’re being punished, a little motivation always helps. If you’re creating a sleep contract for the kids, think about some appropriate consequences for not following the contract. Maybe it’s missing out on screen time or their favourite activity for a day.

If it’s for yourself or your partner, the consequence could be as simple as reminding yourselves how much better you feel with proper rest. Or, treating yourselves to something nice (like that fancy latte you’ve been eyeing up on the way to work) when you manage to stick to it for a whole week. You know what works for you — just try to avoid being too harsh.

3. Accountability 

This is where a sleep contract really shines — especially if you’re doing this as a family or with your partner. It’s all about holding each other accountable in a supportive way. If your partner is constantly staying up late scrolling, kindly remind them of the contract. If your little one keeps procrastinating at bedtime, refer back to the agreement without it having to become a nightly power struggle again. Solo sleepers writing themselves a sleep contract can even track your progress in a sleep journal, or use an app to see how well you’re sticking to your sleep goals.4. Consider sleep hygiene. 

Don’t forget to add a few lines about improving sleep hygiene — because it’s not just about getting into bed on time; it’s about getting quality sleep too. This means that everyday habits such as cutting out caffeine after a certain hour, limiting screen time before bed, and creating a relaxing pre-sleep routine (we’re thinking reading or meditation) are all great additions to a sleep contract.

For example: “I will avoid coffee after 2 PM” or “I’ll dim the lights and put my phone away 30 minutes before bed.” These little tweaks can make a big difference in how well you sleep.

5. Be flexible

Life happens. You’re not going to stick to the contract perfectly 100% of the time, and that’s completely okay! Build some flexibility into your contract so that you don’t end up feeling like a failure if you miss a night or stay up late for a special occasion. A sleep contract isn’t about perfection — it’s about progress. 

You can even give yourself a grace period, if you like. Being allowed to bend the rules (within reason) one night a week might just make your sleep contract easier to stick to for the other 6 nights!

6. Have fun with it

Your sleep contract doesn’t have to be some super serious document – remember, it's not legally binding after all. A lot of the contracts I’ve seen people creating online are colourful, handwritten and annotated with cute doodles!

Understanding this gives you the freedom to get creative! Make it visual by turning it into a colourful chart, or create your own rewards system where you get a star for every night you follow the contract. If you’re doing this with kids, it’s a good idea to let them help design it too. That way they’ll feel a little more invested.

Sleep contracts: final thoughts

So whether you’re about to enter a newborn bubble like me, or you just want to ensure you and your partner are prioritising each other’s sleep a bit more, a sleep contract could just be the formal agreement you both need. With one, you can start to understand each other’s sleep-based concerns and needs a little better too. And it could even help you both to grow individually and as a couple too. We all know how ratty we can be after a bad night’s sleep after all...

Start getting a better night’s sleep more consistently by drawing up your own sleep contract!