Relaxation Techniques for Sleep: Where Do I Start?

Have you ever had the experience of lying in bed, feeling deeply frustrated, and desperate to fall back to sleep?

If so, you’re not alone. Difficulty falling asleep, especially after you’ve woken up during the night, is probably the most common sleep complaint people ask me about.

You have probably also heard it said that the harder you try to sleep, the less likely it is to happen. Excessive sleep effort is the enemy of sleep. This is probably because effort is driven by anxiety about not sleeping, and anxiety pushes the brain and body into a state of tension and arousal. So if trying to sleep doesn’t work, what can we do?

What are relaxation techniques, and how could they help you sleep?

Relaxation techniques are therapeutic exercises designed to help with decreasing tension and anxiety, physically and psychologically (Norelli et al 2023).

From a physiological perspective, relaxation is the process of switching off the ‘fight or flight’ sympathetic nervous system, which helps us to defend ourselves against threat. When we’re in a state of fight or flight, we feel wide awake and focused, fuelled by the stress hormones, adrenaline and cortisol. When we practice relaxation, we activate the ‘rest or digest’ nervous system, which promotes feelings of calm and safety, switches off the stress hormones and promotes processes of connection recovery, digestion and restful sleep.

There are a wide array of relaxation techniques, and they are often used to help people suffering with insomnia, anxiety, depression, pain and stress.

The common thread across all relaxation techniques is that you get better at them with practice. The first time you try anything new, you may feel a bit nervous, and perhaps doubtful of the benefits. With repetition, as the techniques become familiar, it will be easier to enter a deeper state of relaxation.

So, what are the best relaxation techniques for falling asleep?

We will all develop our own perspective about which techniques are the best. We’re all different! The important thing is to try several different approaches, multiple times, until you experience what works for you.

If you are listening to a guided relaxation audio recording, I would strongly suggest that you use a timer to switch off after 15-25 minutes, to allow sleep to follow.

I’ve explained here 3 of my favourite techniques to support relaxation before sleep:

1. Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR) for sleep

When we’re stressed we can carry a lot of tension in our muscles without even realising it. In PMR you learn to recognise tension, and then deliberately let it go. When we relax our muscles, we also relax our minds.

During this exercise, you will gradually tense and relax all the muscles in your body. When you tense your muscles, put in significant effort, but it shouldn’t be painful. If you feel any pain during the exercise, simply pause, return to your breath, and re-start with the next part of your body. Go at a gentle pace, the exercise will likely take 5-10 minutes.

Settle into a comfortable position, where you can relax. You can either do this exercise alone, or listen to a narrator.

1. Starting at the feet, curl the toes under and tense the muscles in the foot. Hold for 5 seconds, then slowly release for 10 seconds. During the release, breathe out and focus your attention on the tension leaving the body.
2. Tense the muscles in the calf, pointing your toes. Hold for 5 seconds, then slowly release for 10 seconds. During the release, focus attention on the reduction in tension and the feeling of relaxation.
3. Work your way gradually up, moving your attention from one set of muscles to the next. Tense the muscles in the thighs, then buttocks. Tense the muscles in the stomach and chest. Tense the muscles in the shoulders. Tense the muscles in the hand, creating a fist. Each time, focus on creating tension for 5 seconds and then slowly releasing for 10 seconds.
4. When you reach the head, tense the muscles in the face (e.g., squeezing eyes shut). Hold for 5 seconds, then slowly release for 10 seconds. Focus on the feeling of tension leaving the body.
5. As you lie there, focus on any area of the body which still feels tight, and repeat the tension and release cycle. 

2. Box Breathing for sleep

When we’re in danger, our breathing tends to either get faster, as we prepare to fight or flee from a threat, or occasionally, it might pause completely: as we freeze, while we make up our minds. Maintaining a slow, steady breathing rate, therefore helps to signal to the brain that we’re not under threat, and helps to drive the relaxation response.

There are many different breathing techniques you can try, and it’s worth experimenting with a few different exercises, until you find an approach which you find it easy to focus on, and which has a calming effect on you.

For example, box breathing involves breathing in for a count of 4, holding that breath for a count of 4, breathing all the way out for a count of 4, and holding for a count of 4.

As you complete the exercise, it can be helpful to picture a dot travelling around the outline of a square - each side is the same length so it should take the same amount of time to breathe in, hold, breathe out and hold.

If you’re sitting, have your feet flat on the floor, back straight, head balanced on top of your spine. When you breathe in, focus on keeping your shoulders relaxed, and breathing deeply down into your belly.

If you’re lying down it can be helpful to keep one hand on your belly and one hand on your chest. Focus on making your belly and fall, rather than your chest. This means you are more likely to be using your diaphragm to pull the air all the way, deep into your lungs, which provokes the relaxation response.

To start, let yourself breathe all the way out. Now, breathe all the way in through the nose and into your belly in for a count of 4. Then hold that breath for 4. Slowly release your breath, all the way out through your nose for 4. Then hold for 4.

Sometimes, I find that if I wake up in the middle of the night, holding my breath for a count of 4 can be difficult, so I’ll just start by counting to 2, and then when that feels easy, I’ll work my way to 3 and 4.

If you wake up feeling panicky, or you feel yourself getting worked up during the day, a few cycles of box breathing can help to calm you down, and help you feel in control.

3. Positive visualisation for sleep

If your mind likes to be occupied before sleep, whisk yourself away to your dream destination - somewhere that you can feel safe, calm and content. The more often you visit this place in your mind, the easier it will be to relax and distance yourself from anxious thoughts.

For example, you might want to imagine yourself at your favourite beach. It can be a real beach, or the best possible beach of your imagination.

Picture yourself standing on your favourite beach. The sun is shining and it gently warms your skin. It’s as if the sun is reaching down and giving you a gentle hug…. so warm… so relaxing.. You slowly walk down towards the water until you feel the lapping of the water against your toes. How does it feel? Is it cold? Is it warm?

Dig your toes deeply into the wet sand. Feel the sand gently massaging your toes.

What can you hear? The waves gently lapping the shore?  Are there seagulls?

You can still feel the warmth of the sun on your skin.

It’s as if the warmth of the sun is melting the tension in your muscles away.

What can you smell, and taste? Is there a saltiness in the air? Or the coconutty taste of suncream on your lips?

Each time you breathe, feel the tension melt away. All the way in, and all the way out.

There is nothing you need to do here.  As you look out to sea, with the sun on your back, you feel your body relax. The warmth of the sun melts away any tension.

You are not trying to sleep. You are not trying to stay awake. You are simply enjoying immersing yourself in a positive visualisation.

Relaxation techniques for sleep: final thoughts

Relaxation techniques are therapeutic exercises designed to help with decreasing tension and anxiety, physically and psychologically.

When we practice relaxation, we activate the ‘rest or digest’ nervous system, which promotes feelings of calm and safety, switches off the stress hormones and promotes processes of connection recovery, digestion and restful sleep.

The more you practice any technique, the easier it will become to relax, quickly and deeply.